Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
