I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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