Duck Duck Cougar?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
