I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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