i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
