she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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