used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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