Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
