I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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