I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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