Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
