I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
