Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She needs sedatives and a leash
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
