I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
