You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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