i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize