the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
