Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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