We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
