You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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