3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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