why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
