dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
