So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
