im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
