Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
