he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
