The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
