his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
