oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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