Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
apparently the secret to your success is patron
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
