Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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