so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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