Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
