Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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