im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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