Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
