I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
