So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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