she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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