This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She told me I should be a condom model.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
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