she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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