Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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