Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
