I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Farmville is her only friend.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
