You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
