And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
