Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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