my soul wont recognize me after tonight
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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