Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize