I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
