I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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