I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
