Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
