Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
