my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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