So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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