He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
