I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
