I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
