Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
