Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
