There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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