i already hear my dad disowning me
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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