I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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