someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
