In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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