dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
