I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize