their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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