i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
