I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
