Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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