Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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