Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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