I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize