i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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