Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
