i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
