Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
