Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
