just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize