I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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