i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
