New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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