Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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