I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
