You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
