i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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