this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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