can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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