I'm going to jail i love you
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You can't just leave with hair like that
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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