it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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