Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
