This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
