I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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