i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
