I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
