Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
