I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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