My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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