I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
