my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
